An expert has revealed the three red flag phrases that narcissists will say to you - and you might find number three the most surprising of them all.
Now, we've all had that one ex with anger management issues who definitely needed therapy and just wouldn't admit it, right?
Or maybe you didn't even know they were a narcissist in the first place.
Either way, you'll be able to tell now as an expert has revealed to Psychology Today (PT) three seemingly innocent phrases a partner with those tendencies may say to you, but with more sinister intentions.
The sentiments of these particular statements allow the narcissistic partner to deflect accountability, shift the overall blame, and inflict guilt.
The first phrase is "I am sorry you feel that way."
While this may seem like it's sympathetic in nature, it actually lacks empathy overall as the individual isn't even trying to put themselves in your shoes - instead, they are deflecting all accountability.
The expert also added that there are more ways to respond to one's feelings than using that phrase including: "You are mad. I get it. I’m not sure why, but I want to understand,” or “You are disappointed that I forgot about dinner. You have every right to feel that way, but I am here now and I brought dessert.”
Or, “You are hurt. I understand. But, honey, it was just a giant miscommunication."
The second phrase is "You have anger issues."
God, we've all heard that one before.
This is a classic phrase used to try and deflect the blame of an argument. Not only does it put your feelings to one side, it also puts the blame of the overall argument into your hands as it's your alleged anger that's made things heated and not the other person's actions.
The outlet reported that "Being unfairly attacked when you are not the one who made the mistake can be maddening."
It is natural to get upset if someone has done something to make you feel that way but often the narcissist takes advantage of this and accuses you of being “out of control" when in reality, it is them that feels the most anger.
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And the final phrase is "You ruined it."
Why are all of these phrases bringing up bad memories?
Anyway, this is a common tactic used by narcissists to inflict guilt on their partner.
They feel rage at the fact that you expressed an action they did to hurt you, but instead of holding their hands up and apologizing, they tend to shift the focus to the fact that you "ruined" the day for bringing up the problem in the first place.
This tactic often makes the victim feel as though they can't bring up problems because they're causing a nuisance, so next time, instead of saying anything, they choose to keep quiet.
If this happens to you, you must remember that it is necessary to talk through issues in a relationship in order to maintain trust and closeness, as per PT.
If you are punished for attempting to address a problem, it may be your partner who is unable to work through conflict.
Please remember these tips the next time you're engaged in a battle with someone who shows narcissistic qualities - or better yet, don't even bother engaging and dump them instead. That's my advice.
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