It's a debate that's gone on for the ages: Who pays on the first date?
Some people are old school about it and believe it is a man's duty to pay, especially if he's asked the woman out. While others believe that, in this day and age, anyone can really take control of the bill. And then there are those who prefer splitting to save themselves the awkwardness of the discussion.
One man, 35, opened up about how he was left feeling "humiliated" after his date decided to secretly pay for his dinner during their first date together.
Writing to Quentin Fottrell at Yahoo! Finance, a man opened up about the alleged perks and downfalls of dating a "confident", "type A" woman.
After noting that he earned a "healthy figure" as someone who works in IT, he went on to recall a recent dinner date.
"I recently went on a dinner date at a Mexican restaurant, one of my favorites," he said in his post. "Our total bill came to around $190 — we drank cocktails and a lot of wine — so I offered to pay the check."
However, he was shocked to find that his date had slipped the waiter her credit card while he wasn't looking!
"My companion, a 30-year-old public relations representative, insisted on paying. In fact, she slipped the waiter her credit card on her way to the restroom," he continued. "We’re probably making the same amount of money, given her lifestyle (she spent a week in Mauritius in January), but I feel like I should pay given that I chose the restaurant and it was our first date."
He then went on to say that the action alone made him feel like less of a man - whatever that means.
"Is it emasculating to allow a woman to pick up the dinner check?" he questioned before adding: "I felt humiliated, honestly. We got along well enough for a second date, even though I would describe her as quite a type A personality. There’s confident, there’s superconfident, and then there’s this woman."
Despite referring to her confidence as attractive, he also added that it should be done in "moderation" as per some advice he was given by his dad.
"He would also say, 'You don’t get a second chance to make a first impression.' I felt wrongfooted. A man should pay, at least on the first date. Am I wrong?" he concluded.
Now, the author wasn't having any of it, and instead asked him to question why he was letting a kind gesture make him feel such strong emotions and why it related to his masculinity.
"She either liked you so much that she wanted to pay for dinner, or she had such an awful time that she wanted to make sure that she was under no obligation or compliment to you," Fottrell stated. "But whenever given the choice to choose between the most optimistic scenario or the most dastardly one, it’s usually better to choose the former."
He then urged the anonymous man to look at himself, rather than blame his date for his feelings.
"Your date passing her credit card to the waiter was generous," he said. "Somebody who did not have a good time and who never intends on seeing you again is not going to go to the trouble of paying the bill surreptitiously and, in the process, upending so-called gender norms, however outdated they may be.
"The fact that what is arguably a very big compliment resulted in your feeling 'emasculated' has nothing to do with your dinner companion," he added.
I wholeheartedly agree. If kindness is an attack on one's masculinity, then you seriously need to ask yourself some questions. No one sneaks the waiter their credit card unless they know you'd put up a fight when the bill comes but they want it to be their treat.
So take the W and get the girl a drink, for goodness sake! Men!
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